Peace on the other side
This post is a personal reflection. It isn’t technical, but something I needed to write down.
I suppose it goes without saying, some weeks can be tough. I’ll level with you, I don’t mean tough, I mean excruciating.
It can be so hard to do the right thing; the thing you know you should do; that challenging action which will have consequences.
It’s a battle, I won’t lie, I almost didn’t do it, didn’t pull the lever, didn’t push that button. Heaven knows it would have been much easier to ignore it, sit quietly, pretend everything was fine, justify it with, “I’m sure it’s not that bad”.
But no, that isn’t fair, it’s not about me, it’s not about anyone else, it’s not about anything other than the reality of suffering.
Now, standing here, on the other side of the fallout it can feel… conflicting. So I ask myself, was it wrong? I have lost access to something deeply meaningful. Did I see it coming? Probably. I knew in my heart the reaction it would cause, the likely result for me. But, here is the surprising, but empowering truth: I am not sad, or unhappy, in fact I am quietly positive.
I am not in conflict, not in that place, screaming, feeling unheard, shrinking with every step. My heart is light now, I did the right thing, irrespective of the result.
And what got me there? Proof that all the sweat put into shaping someone young really has settled, it’s there, waiting, growing even, despite the surroundings. There is so much hope that perhaps they can break the chains, end the cycle, show other people the way in a shadowy wilderness so void of any true joy.
So where am I now? In a new place, walking away from the outcome behind, but with a renewed sense of hope, peace, a vehement resolve to always do what’s right. I know that being a dim light in the distance is all that is needed to draw people to be better, grow and embrace the best version of themselves.
And the enigma? The humbling vessel that hosted such a revelation? A young person, not an overachiever, not some super spiritual young man, someone most would overlook, a troubled, young minded youth; and that, that alone, fills me with a drive, a pure unwavering hope that nothing, and no-one is ever truly lost, because I was beginning to believe I was.
Shane
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers…”
— 1 Timothy 4:12